That is quite a command Jesus gives us in this gospel. “Love one another as I love you.” He then adds, “No one has a greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” The love that Jesus speaks of here is not romantic love, which we link with Valentine’s Day. He is speaking of agape, that love we owe to God and to one another. Agape is the kind of love that demands of us an effort of the will rather than mere emotional reaction. It is an abiding love that can’t be sustained only by affection.
“You are my friends if you do what I command you,” Jesus tells us. We are not slaves, coerced into this relationship. We are his friends. Jesus defines friendship as a holy relationship, a covenant centered in the heart. Unlike slavery, friendship is based on love, acceptance, and openness.
The word, friend, comes from an old English word, freon, which means to love. Friendship isn’t a privilege that we earn. Rather, this is a gift we are free to accept or reject. We made a choice when it comes to the relationships in our lives. We know many people and most of our relationships could be defined as acquaintances. The gift of friendship emerges when we choose to love that person.
In his book, Comrades, Stephen Ambrose points out, “Friendship is different from all other relationships. Unlike acquaintance, it is based on love…it is free of jealousy; it knows neither criticism nor resentment. Friendship has no status in law. Business partnerships are based on a contract. So is a marriage. Parents are bound by the law, as are children. But friendship is freely entered into, freely given, freely exercised. Friends never cheat each other, nor take advantage, or lie. Friends do not spy on one another, yet have no secrets.
“Friends glory in each other’s successes and are downcast by the failures. Friends minister to each other, nurse each other. Friends give to each other, worry about each other, stand ready to help. Perfect friendship is rarely achieved, but at its height is an ecstasy.”
To experience friendship, to experience God’s love, we have to start thinking about others more than ourselves. When we refuse to share, we condemn ourselves to a winter of loneliness, encircling ourselves with a wall, which keeps people out or at what we consider a safe distance.
President Jimmy Carter offers this bit of wisdom; “Earlier in my life I thought the things that mattered were the things you could see, like your car, your house, your wealth, your property, your office. But as I’ve grown older I’ve become more convinced that the things that matter most are the things you can’t see—the love you share with others, your inner purpose, your comfort with who you are.”
On FB, a friend recently reminded me; “In the blink of an eye everything can change, so forgive often and love with all your heart. You may not have that chance again.” Someone else wrote, “To forgive is to set the prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” The survival of any friendship depends on love and the willingness to forgive when the need arises.
“This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.” Jesus tells us that we demonstrate our love for him when we keep his commandments. To him, love isn’t a matter of affection but of action. Don’t think of the commandments as a list of do’s and don’ts that restrict your freedom. Instead see them as avenues for demonstrating your love. Compare them to the little signs lovers do for one another, like the husband who buys flowers for his wife on special occasions or the wife who surprises her husband with his favorite meal. Antoine St. Exupery, who wrote the Little Prince, said, “Real love begins where nothing is expected in return.”
“This I command you: love one another.” Notice, it isn’t a suggestion; it’s a command. Love one another. There are no qualifications, conditions, or limitations. Love one another, even the mean-spirited, the grouchy, the ungrateful, the unreasonable. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, “Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.” Jesus didn’t give us an impossible mission for each time we seek to be self-giving, forgiving, and full of thanksgiving, we are fulfilling this mission entrusted to us.
Love is also a matter of thanksgiving. Love is the one thing all of us are able to give God, and we do so when we gather here for worship. When we have nothing else to give to God, at least we can still give thanks to show that the love we have received is indeed very much appreciated.
May we come to know the true blessing of holy friendship, not just in the friendship we celebrate with Christ in the Eucharist, but also with the many people that God brings into our lives as a reminder that we and they are unconditionally loved.
So, learn to love without condition. Talk without bad intention. Give without any reason and most of all, care for people without any expectation.
In closing, keep in mind, there is no perfect life, no perfect job, no perfect childhood, no perfect marriage and no perfect set of people who will always do what we expect them to do. What we have instead is a perfect God who is able to lead us through this imperfect life with unfailing strength, incomparable wisdom and infinite love.