At the start of Lent, we hung a banner from the loft to remind us that this is “a season of reconciliation and forgiveness.” It is a time for making peace not only with God but also with others in our lives, friends and enemies alike yet neither undertaking comes easy. Perhaps we are too proud to ask for or seek forgiveness, but Jesus wasn’t.
“Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.” This line more than any other catches my attention. Having been scourged, whipped, and compelled to drag a heavy beam of wood to which he was nailed, he is now hanging from the cross nearly naked before those bent on seeing him die. In spite of how much he ached and struggled to breathe, Jesus thought first of those standing there, asking his Father to forgive them.
We believe that Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead to reconcile sinful people with God through the forgiveness of sins and the gift of eternal life with the triune God. Forgiveness was a priority for Jesus throughout his ministry. Pope Francis recently observed, “The Lord never gets tired of forgiving us. It is we, who get tired of asking for forgiveness.”
I might add that we get tired of granting forgiveness as well.
At times, I think back over some instances in my life, moments I am not proud of, when I was reluctant to forgive. I fumed and stewed, imprisoned by my ill will toward the person who had offended me, and until I forgave that person, I was falling short of being the person of love that Jesus was calling me to be. I came to see the value of forgiving and moving on with the rest of my life instead of being trapped by the misery of that offense or slight or wrong doing that had resulted in such ill will. I learned that true forgiveness is a self healing process.
To forgive the offender is to say to yourself that the offense and the offender no longer have any control over you and your emotions. Unless the offense is a minor one, forgiveness might need to be an ongoing act. Just a physical wound takes time to heal, a damaged relationship may need time to recover too.
The New Oxford Dictionary defines forgiveness in this way; “to stop feeling angry or resentful towards someone for an offence, flaw, or mistake.” That is what Jesus was asking of his Father. Think of how often God had been angry toward humanity from the moment Adam and Eve ate of the forbidden fruit in the garden but now Jesus was asking God to stop feeling that way toward humanity for its many offences, flaws and mistakes.
More often than not, when we refuse to forgive, we victimize ourselves more than the person whom we are refusing to forgive. Anger and hatred are exhausting to maintain yet they rarely hurt the person that they are directed toward. Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; but you are the one who gets burned. Still, there are times when we find it impossible to forgive despite what we promise to do in the Lord’s Prayer. When that happens, we should ask ourselves; do the negative emotions we hold onto serve us better than the ability to forgive? Are our negative emotions likely to have any negative effect upon the person we feel deserves our revenge? At the end of the day, ask yourself,was your anger worthwhile? Did it make a difference to anyone but you?
Forgiveness, not anger, made a difference to God, whose son gave his life to bring about reconciliation between humanity and his Father. When Jesus asked his Father to forgive his tormentors, he put into practice what he had preached. He knew no hatred. He did not call for revenge. Instead, he begs forgiveness for those who nailed him to the cross, and he justifies his plea by adding: ‘They know not what they do.’”
So, how good at you at forgiving when someone apologizes? Would you rather keep your anger and resentment? If you cannot forgive, you are choosing to nurse your anger and keep the pain alive. You can choose to perpetuate the misery or move away from it and allow the past to rest in peace. Resentments are burdens you do not need to carry.
Yes, bad and sad things happen to everyone but whether you let them color your life is up to you. Holding on to anguish cannot bring back the past but it can ruin the present and color the future. Forgiveness is a decision some make early, some late,and some not at all. Fortunately for us, it is a gift that God practices often at the request of his son.