The feast of the Holy Family, which we celebrate this morning, provides an opportune moment for us to reflect on the role of family in our lives. For most of us, no other group of people shaped who we are more than the family in which we grew up.
Some of us came from traditional family settings, a home with a father, mother, and siblings. Others came from single parent homes. I know couples who are raising their grandchildren. In some households, the roles are now reversed. Adult children find themselves caring for an aging and infirmed parent, heeding the message of Sirach.
What we have in common is that even if we are now living alone, we have our roots in a family setting. Blood ties alone do not create a family. In my ministry, I have encountered too many examples of relatives who refuse to communicate with one another for any number of reasons. On the other hand, I have seen some people, although unrelated, who have bonded together very much like a family.
What makes any group of people a family? That word comes from the Latin word, famulus, which means servant. Nearly any kid would agree with that definition, considering all the household chores they have to do! Serving one another is what keeps a family together. In the family, each person serves the needs of others, ideally placing their needs, interests, desires, and delights aside for the sake of others, treating them as Paul suggest we do in his letter that we just heard. Think of his advice as a new set of commandments, couched in positive language to practice the virtues of compassion, kindness, humility, patience and gentleness.
Speaking of service, fifty years ago, JFK raised the conscience of this nation when he said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” Likewise, Sirach and Paul are urging us to approach our family with a similar question, namely, “What can I do for my family?”
This feast, coming near the start of a new year, provides an opportune moment for families to discern their bill of health by taking a look at what social scientists call the “unintentional consequences” of our choices.
When was the last time you told your spouse, parent, child or sibling, “I love you?” Failing to express love can spell trouble in due time. Many marriages have failed because the love that once brought couples together grew silent. Many adolescents, feeling rejected, either run away from home or have taken their lives because no one ever said those three significant words until it was too late. Some people have turned to addiction because the love they seek is missing from their lives.
Some parents may feel that providing for their children is more important than being their companions, so they put in more time at work, earning the income to buy what they presume the family needs or wants. For some reason, they think their children prefer presents to their personal presence.
While we may not be able to control the economic forces that influence some of our daily decisions, we can decide what really matters in our lives. We can decide that God and people are more important than things.
We can decide that families are more important than our careers. We can decide that our children will be raised, not by their peers or the entertainment industry, but by us. We can decide that we have values worth handing onto our children and they would be better people for having them. We can decide that spending time with our children is a winning situation for everyone involved.
Granted, parenting is not an easy task. Scott Peck, in his book, The Road Less Traveled, observed that this challenging responsibility is undertaken by most people without any formal training. Parents generally parent their children in the manner in which they were parented.
We don’t know much about what life was like for the holy family, but I suspect they were much more down to earth than we realize. We may tend to idealize the holy family yet as the gospel narrates, they had their share of challenges. They experienced the anxieties and sorrows of family life. They serve for us as a model of how every family can be holy and real. By real, I mean simply that every member can be respecting, encouraging, affirming, and loving. That would be a fitting way to put Paul’s advice into practice with those who matter most to us.
Lady Bird Johnson offered this advice, “Each day do a little more than you think you can.” Imagine how different life would be in the home if we adopted her wisdom. Each day, love a little more than you think you can. Each day, forgive a little more than you think you can. Each day, reach out to someone who is hurting a little more than you think you can. If we made this our new year’s resolution, it would be one of the best gifts we could give to our family in the coming year.