The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him.” From the start God has seen our need for us to be in meaningful relationships. It is not good for anyone to be alone. To be healthy, we need to be in touch with others, especially during this pandemic. We suffer emotionally when we lack touch and affection. Our need for affection and love is life long. Blessed are those couples and families who focus on nurturing relationships with that in mind.
Alas, that isn’t true for every marriage. Why else would the Pharisees ask Jesus, “Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?” Despite God’s intent that when a man leaves his parents and clings to his wife and they become one flesh, divorce has long been a reality, impacting us directly or indirectly.
Marriage is increasingly seen as a fragile institution and for this reason, many young adults shy away from doing so, choosing instead to live together. Ideally God intends every marriage to last “until death do they part” and most couples I have known have done so. Some marriages have not survived for reasons ranging from immaturity to abuse to infidelity or as Jesus said, “hardness of heart.”
Some couples stay together but their relationship is strained; filled with resentment, confrontation and colored by a “me-first” mindset. The love that once drew them together may still be there but hasn’t grown. God intended marriage to be a life-long journey but not if one or both spouses is unwilling to fulfill their commitment.
As a sacrament, marriage is unique. From the moment they exchange their vows, the couple commit to ministering this sacrament to one another until death do they part. When one or both fail to keep that commitment, the marriage falters and sometimes collapses, resulting in separation then divorce. In the eyes of the Church, that couple is still seen as being married to each other even if they are now civilly divorced.
When someone who is divorced wants to remarry, the question to be answered is “Was my marriage sacramental?” If not, the Church would say so in an annulment process. When a marriage is annulled, the Church asserts the marriage was never sacramental. Yes, it existed legally, thus the children are legitimate but the former spouses are no longer seen as being “one flesh” and are now free to marry and not be guilty of adultery.
Jesus told the Pharisees, “What God has joined together, no human being must separate.” The permanence of marriage is based on God’s will to destined this couple for one another. They are prompted to stay together by reflecting not just on their own will but also on God’s will for them.
Too often we fail to consider God’s will when things are not going smoothly. How different might the outcome be in moments of crises if we pause to see how far we may have deviated from the Lord’s will. How different might the outcome of any relationship be if we recall the words of the Lord’s Prayer: “thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”
To better understand where Jesus is coming from, keep in mind the status of women and children back then. Women rarely owned property and had no independent means of earning a living. Divorce could leave them and their children destitute. For their sake and their children, marriage had to be stable. Jesus was critical of those who favored an easy divorce. He wasn’t condemning divorce itself; rather he was caring about the vulnerable.
October is regarded as “Respect Life Month” and is set aside to remind us that life is sacred from the womb to the tomb; not just the fetus in a mother’s womb, but at all stages of life, including respect and care for one’s spouse and children. We must care about those who are vulnerable.
The gospel passage ends with a note about children. They too were vulnerable and defenseless then and still are today. From the moment of conception, they are at the mercy of their parents. Fortunately, most children are blest to have caring loving parents in a healthy loving setting.
Jesus was radical for his time and still is for ours, encouraging husbands to view their wives not as possessions but as partners, just as Adam viewed Eve, inviting them to live out a total commitment to each other no matter what comes their way. Recently I made the point that for any disciple, God is first, you are second and I am third. The lover who lives that creed would never deny the dignity of the beloved nor be unfaithful. If that were the creed of every spouse, the seeds of divorce would not likely take root and their children would be well taught and cared for in the school of love.