A young college student, considered by many to be an intellectual elitist, once announced to some of his friends that he would believe nothing that he could not understand. Another student, who lived on a farm nearby, turned to the intellectual and commented, “As I drove to campus this morning, I passed a field in which some sheep were grazing. Do you believe me?
“Sure,” replied the young man. “Well, not far from the sheep, some calves were chewing on fresh grass,” the student-farmer added. “Do you believe that?”
“Yeah, why not?” the intellectual replied. “Well, not too far down the road, I noticed a gaggle of geese feeding. “Do you still believe me?” asked the student-farmer.
“I guess so,” came the reply. “Well,” added the student-farmer, “the grass that the sheep ate will turn into wool; the grass the calves ate will turn into hair; and the grass that the geese ate will turn into feathers. Do you believe this?”
“Sure I do,” the all too-smart student answered.
“But do you understand it?” “Not really,” the intellectual replied, somewhat puzzled. “You know,” added the student-farmer, “if you live long enough, you will find that there are a great many things you believe without understanding.”
Because he could not understand what was happening before the eyes of the other disciples, doubting Thomas, as we call him, was reluctant to believe what he heard from them about Jesus. Who could blame him for doubting what they had said? Jesus is raised from the dead? But, that is not possible! He died and was buried. “I will never believe it without probing the nail marks in his hands!” Thomas insisted.
A week later, Jesus stands in his presence and he invites Thomas to probe his wounds. “Do not be unbelieving, but believe!” Thomas quickly responded, “My Lord and my God!”
Thomas’ story is important to us because he represents all of us who were not there when Jesus first appeared to the disciples in Galilee on that first Easter evening. Like Thomas, we are confronted with the testimony of the first witnesses who left us word of something that totally changed their lives. Like Thomas, we want to see the truth firsthand. The whole point of this gospel passage is not that Thomas doubted or obtained the proof he once demanded. Nothing here tells us that Thomas actually touched Jesus at all. Most likely, he never understood how the unthinkable could have happened. What matters is that he believed in what happened and so can we.
Instead of applauding Thomas for what he believed, we remember him for doubting as though there is something terribly wrong with being doubtful so far as faith is concerned. Yet, faith and doubt go hand in hand much like salt and pepper, night and day, hot and cold, or black and white.
Many of us are uneasy with doubt. If we entertain feelings of doubt, we presume something to be wrong with our faith and begin to have second thoughts.
Doubting, however, is part of being human. Within each of us, there are great areas of doubt, wide swatches of insecurity, and deep wells of bafflement. We may hide them, smother them, or suffocate them, but feelings of doubt can creep up at any moment, as they did for Thomas.
Doubt can hit us anywhere. We sometimes doubt ourselves, our talents, self-worth, our ability to cope with life in general. Perhaps we doubt the choices we have made in life, such as the person we married or the career we pursued. Or we doubt other people, wondering if they love us or accept us for who we are.
Feelings of doubt can just as readily enter the realm of our faith odyssey. God may sometimes seem so distant, prompting us to question his love or even his existence, especially when our prayers appear to go unanswered. If the thought has ever nagged you that maybe there is no God, then welcome to the club. Faith and doubt can and often do feed off each other. Faith leads to doubt and doubt can create deeper faith. Just remember that another word for doubt is question.
There is no need to fear the process. If anything, we should be concerned if we never questioned, challenged or explored our faith. Unquestioned faith eventually becomes untended faith that in turn becomes nonexistent faith, much like a garden overgrown with weeds.
In his Asian journals, Thomas Merton writes, “Faith means doubt. Faith is not the suppression of doubt. It is the overcoming of doubt, and you overcome doubt by going through it. The man of faith who has never experienced doubt is not a man of faith.” What both Thomas, the apostle, and Thomas Merton discovered is that one must go through the realm of doubt in order to arrive at the certitude that God is very much in our midst, risen from the dead.
Whatever our doubts and hesitations have been, we come today in the hope that we can grow in God’s love, be a community of peace and appropriately respond to the poor. Our understanding will always be limited, but we can see the proof of our Christian faith and the love that shines from believers who know the power of the risen Lord in their lives. Like doubting Thomas, they have discovered that the faith in Jesus Christ is a journey, not of the mind, but of the heart.