I do not know of a sentence in the Bible that annoys more people than this line in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, where he urges wives to be subordinate to their husbands. Angered by such chauvinism, many listeners then tune out his message on commitment, the same message we hear in the other readings.
Paul isn’t putting anyone down in his letter nor is he giving husbands the license to degrade, abuse, or control their wives. To the contrary, he is challenging spouses to examine their fidelity and commitment to one another. There is no room for a domineering spouse in any truly sacramental marriage.
A husband, Paul contends, is to commit himself as totally to his wife as Christ committed himself to the Church. You and I know how far Jesus Christ went for the Church and for us, giving his life on the cross so that we could be freed from sin. Ideally, every husband should be willing to do the same for his wife. She is to be as important to him as his own body. He should love her more than anyone or anything else on earth. The bottom line is that both husbands and wives are to put the other person first. Each spouse has to sacrifice something for that to happen. Giving up some of their personal preferences, the two become one, thus becoming the sacrament of marriage to one another.
From what I have seen and heard over the years, that hasn’t always happened. I ache for spouses who endure domestic violence of any kind from verbal to physical. Alas, both husbands and wives have been known to abuse their spouses. Such a marriage is not what the Church defines as a sacramental union.
The experience of those who are victims in such situations dramatizes the point being made in today’s gospel. There are times in life when we are pushed to the wall. There are times in life when we are ready to quit. There are times in life when we need something to hold on to. In the gospel, the disciples were being pushed to the wall by what Jesus said earlier about giving his body for them to eat. Notice how they responded.
One group found Jesus’ words too hard to take. “Who can accept it?” Not them, so they parted company with Jesus. The others met his challenge successfully and remained faithful to him. Why did one group leave and the other stay? The gospel doesn’t answer that question outright, but it gives us a clue.
Peter speaks for us when he said to Jesus, “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.”
When pushed to the wall, so to speak, they kept their eyes focused on Jesus whereas the group that abandoned him had focused on the stumbling block instead. “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” Detracted by the repulsive notion of eating someone’s flesh, they lost sight of the whole picture Jesus was presenting. A commitment to God or another person is never made once and for all, but must be renewed again and again.
When I witness a marriage, I tell the couple to say the words of their vows to each other as though they are the most important words they will ever say. “I take you for my spouse, to have and to hold, from this day forward for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part.”
I have known many loving couples who have honored their commitments to each other. When the going gets tough for them, their love grows even stronger, for they keep their eyes focused on Jesus, rather than the problems that surface. They minister God to each other daily. They also know their marriage cannot thrive or even survive if one or both spouses become too self-centered to honor their vows.
When we hear the words, commitment and fidelity, we are apt to think only about the faithfulness of spouses to one another, but the notion of fidelity extends to every commitment we make. Being faithful means honoring the commitments and keeping the promises we have made in our work and business dealings, as well as our relationships with God and others.
Joshua knew what he was committed to. He also knew that many who had followed him for 40 years in their exodus to the Promised Land were now attracted to the many gods of their neighbors. “If it does not please you to serve the Lord, decide today whom you will serve. As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” In reply to his challenge, they said, “We also will serve the Lord, for he is our God.”
The lesson given in these readings is clear: when we commit ourselves to Christ or to another person, the decision impacts us and the world around us. Our relationship with God cannot be a half-hearted one if we are to grow in faith. “Decide today whom you will serve.” Joshua’s challenge is a choice for us as well.
Centuries later, Jesus essentially posed the same question to his apostles. “Do you also want to leave?” Some disciples had found his message too hard to take or too unrealistic to accept such as what he had said about chastity and fidelity, forgiveness and honesty, so they left. What he had said about the Eucharist as a covenant was too much for them to accept.
Countless fellow Catholics, married and single alike, have demonstrated by their lives their commitment to Christ. Their faith has been a continual inspiration to me. If Jesus were to ask me, “So you also want to leave?” I would respond, “What? Not on your life, Lord. I agree with Peter. You have the words of eternal life. I am convinced you are the Holy One of God.” I hope you could say the same.