Life is full of relationships. Good relationships nourish us, giving us joy and satisfaction, but sooner or later, something is apt to go wrong and someone gets hurt. Instead of forgiveness, the name of the game many of us play when we have been victimized is getting even. In good conscience we even defend that right with a line from Leviticus, which Jesus quotes in today’s gospel, “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” If any line from Leviticus is worth remembering, however, it’s the one we hear today, “You shall not bear hatred for your brother or sister in your heart.”
Hatred is a very dangerous thing that must be handled with great respect and reserved for a cause such as injustice or intolerance, not for an individual. Hatred expends far more energy than any other emotion, even love. Hate corrodes the soul. We should save our energy for better things. When Jesus speaks of hating enemies, he is referring not to distant nations but to people close to us who make life difficult for us. That could be a relative, a neighbor, a classmate, people we seek to avoid, whom we find hard to forgive, who awaken in us feelings of fear or anger that can turn into hatred. Have you heard about the two merchants who were in fierce competition with one another? Their stores were across the street from each other. They measured their success not in profits but who could do the most business. Whenever a customer made a purchase at one store, that merchant would taunt the competition after the sale was completed. The rivalry between the two continually escalated.
One day an angel appeared to one merchant and said, “The Lord God has chosen to give you a great gift. Whatever you desire, you will receive. Ask for riches, long life or healthy children, and the wish is yours. There is one catch,” the angel cautioned, “Whatever you receive, your competitor will get twice as much. If you ask for 1000 gold coins, he will receive 2000. If you become famous, he will become twice as famous. This is God’s way of teaching you a lesson.”
The merchant thought for a moment. “You will give me anything I request?” he asked. The Angel nodded. The man’s face darkened and he said, “I ask that you strike me blind in one eye.” The story doesn’t tell us what happened to the other merchant. Did he become blind or did his eyes remain unchanged, unlike the now half blind merchant?
As Paul notes, “the wisdom of this world is foolishness in the eyes of God.” Like the half blind merchant, we are all too ready to sacrifice peace of mind, loving relationships, a sense of purposeful community on the altar of “getting even,” but in the end, do we feel any better? Holding a grudge doesn’t make you strong; it makes you bitter. Forgiving doesn’t make you weak; it sets you free.
That is a point Archbishop Hunthausen made once. “Those sentiments of bitterness and hatred poison our system and cause us suffering.” He also noted that people would rather part with a precious possession than give up a grudge yet when they refuse to forgive, they end up hurting themselves.
Speaking of grudges, Fr. Anthony De Mello shares the story of two Buddhist monks who found a very beautiful woman at the riverbank. She wanted to cross but the water was too high so one of the monks lifted her on his back and carried her across to the other side. The other monk was thoroughly scandalized. For two hours he chastised him for neglecting to keep holy. Had he forgotten that he was a monk? How dare he touch a woman, much less carry her? What would people say? Had he not brought their religion into disrepute? The offending monk patiently listened to the never-ending sermon. Finally, he broke in and asked, “Brother, I dropped the woman at the river. Are you still carrying her?”
Jesus knows that too often we want to get even and if that doesn’t work, we will hold a grudge. In either instance, the pain persists. His solution is simple. We must forgive. “Oh, no, I cannot do that,” may be your first reaction especially when we have been hurt deeply or in a most personal way but consider this. Anger is but one letter short of danger. The best way to get even is to forgive. We need to forgive in order to get on with the rest of our lives.
I recall years ago when Avis, then the second largest car rental agency in the country, advertised the message, “We try harder.” Their slogan said to the customer that Avis would go the extra mile in service. That is what Jesus is calling on us to do. As his followers, we are expected to go the extra mile as Christians, be it forgiving the wrong doer or providing a helping hand to someone in need.
As with the commandments and the beatitudes, the intent behind this wisdom from the Sermon on the Mount is not to saddle us with an impossible task but to provide another blueprint for finding happiness. When we refuse to forgive, we victimize ourselves, for an unforgiven injury binds us to a time and place that someone else has chosen, holding us trapped in a painful memory with bitter feelings.
Recall the last bit of advice given by Jesus, “Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect.” He is urging us to imitate God in our response to those who have hurt or wronged us. As Christians, we must march to a different drummer. Respect, forgiveness, peace and love must be the tools that we use to settle the problems that come our way if we are to continue down the path that leads to lasting happiness.