More than once as a pastor, I have heard of someone leaving the parish because he or she didn’t feel welcomed. I find such decisions disappointing, but I have observed that sometimes those who feel unwelcomed do little to allow themselves to be welcomed as this short tale relates.
A certain farmer was interrupted in his work by a man driving down the road who asked him, “Sir, I have traveled a long way and I am thinking of settling down in the next town. Tell me, what kind of people live there?” The farmer asked him, “What kind of people were in the town you left?”
The man replied, “Not so friendly. They were rude, selfish, and indifferent. They couldn’t care less about you or what happened.” The farmer said, “I’m afraid you will find the same kind of folks in the next town.” The man thanked him and ventured off in a different direction.
Later that day, another traveler passed by and also asked the farmer the same question. “Tell me sir, what kind of people will I find in the next town?” The farmer asked him, “What kind of people were in the town you just left?” The man replied, “It was a hard town to leave. The people sang with you in the good times and helped you in the bad times. It wasn’t perfect, but they were basically friendly and good.” The farmer replied, “You’ll find the same kind of folks in the next town.”
That farmer was very perceptive. What we find in life is shaped largely by what we expect to find. If we expect people to be friendly, they will be. If we expect them to be cold and unfriendly, we will find them to be just that.
Today’s gospel picks up where we left off last Sunday. In that passage, Jesus repeatedly used the verb, “remain.” He was certainly trying to make a point. “Remain in my love.”
He continues that message in this gospel. Remaining in him means keeping his commandments. Only then will our joy be complete. When we ignore or disobey them, we risk hurting others and/or ourselves, the consequence of sin.
“You are my friends if you do what I command you,” Jesus tells us. We are not slaves, coerced into this relationship. By inviting us to be his friends, Jesus defines our relationship as a holy one, a covenant centered in the heart. Unlike slavery, friendship is based on love, acceptance, and openness.
The word, friend, comes from an old English word, freon, which means to love. Friendship isn’t a privilege that we earn, but a gift we are free to accept or reject. The gift of friendship is accepted when we choose to love the one who is offering it and rejected when we choose not to love.
In his book, Comrades, Stephen Ambrose writes, “Friendship is different from all other relationships. Unlike acquaintance, it is based on love…it is free of jealousy; it knows neither criticism nor resentment. Friendship has no status in law. Business partnerships are based on a contract. So is a marriage. Parents are bound by the law, as are children. But friendship is freely entered into, freely given, freely exercised. Friends never cheat each other, nor take advantage, or lie. Friends do not spy on one another, yet have no secrets.
“Friends glory in each other’s successes and are downcast by the failures. Friends minister to each other, nurse each other. Friends give to each other, worry about each other, stand ready to help. Perfect friendship is rarely achieved, but at its height is an ecstasy.”
To experience friendship is to experience God’s love. When we refuse to reach out, we condemn ourselves to a winter of loneliness, encircling ourselves with a wall which keeps people out, leaving them feel unwelcomed.
The survival of any friendship depends on love. As the passage from the first letter of John affirms, “Let us love one another because love is of God.” A few verses later, John tells us, “God is love.” That line is written on the art work I gave my mother the Christmas before she passed away. I couldn’t think of a better gift to give to the one who first taught me about love.
The love of a mom mirrors the love that is the heart of today’s gospel, making this a fitting gospel for us to hear on Mothers’ Day. The love that Jesus demands of us is simple yet profound. He asks us to love one another as he has loved us; to seek our joy by bringing joy to others, to put ourselves second for the sake of others, to honor and cherish others simply because we are all God’s children.
However overwhelming this challenge may be at times to love others, especially the strangers in our midst, this commandment isn’t meant to be more than we can handle. Jesus points out that he chose us to go forth and bear fruit. Years ago, a friend designed my ordination card by drawing a tree filled with hearts, rather than apples. Beneath the tree, he wrote, “It was I who chose you to go forth and bear fruit.” Having been chosen, I am not left alone to carry out this mission of bearing fruit. Nor is any mother in our midst and nor are you.
We come to know the true blessing of holy friendship, not just in the Eucharist, but also through the many people that God brings into our lives. Keep his commandments and you are bound to be welcomed wherever you go.