Martha speaks for us in the midst of this awesome gospel passage when she tells Jesus, “I know my brother will rise on the last day.” We too are convinced that life does not end with death, for Jesus tells us, “whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.”
Thomas Aquinas observed, “Nobody is excluded from the kingdom of heaven except through human fault.” To cross the threshold of heaven, we must be forgiven. For this reason, we frequently implore God to forgive us. Most every celebration of the Mass begins on that note, asking the Lord to have mercy on us. When we pray the Lord’s Prayer, we plead, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
An important lesson is rendered at the end of today’s gospel. I am drawn to the command Jesus gives, “Untie him and let him go.” How many people have we figuratively tied up and left for dead, because we refuse to forgive them in spite of the promise we make in the Lord’s Prayer?
If we believe in Jesus, then we must practice the art of forgiveness. In the act of forgiving others or ourselves, of untying and letting go of past hurts, we will rise to new life.
Broken relationships, even simple misunderstandings, can result in much hurt, despair, grief and anger, that can be as painful, if not more so, than mourning a physical death. In the wake of any break up, feelings of anger and hatred sometimes leave enough of a stench that the memories remain buried rather than revisited. Many times I hear people say in such instances, “I assume,” but how often do our assumptions prove to be right? False assumptions lead to misunderstandings, which can result in broken relationships. They curtail us from looking anew at what caused the relationship to break up in the first place.
When we have estranged ourselves from someone, we are left with two options. We can let the relationship die, becoming a grave full of painful memories, or we can forgive, which is the first step toward reconciliation and new life.
Sometimes, when I’ve become upset with someone, I would fume for days in private. I would keep my distance, reluctant to take my blinders off to look anew at the issue. I would chain myself to the incident and remain chained until I was willing to forgive that person. I have learned that holding on to grudges was not life giving, certainly not for any relationship that is bogged down with painful memories, or unresolved issues.
Whatever life there was in such a relationship is bound to ebb away unless we are willing to let go and remove the chains whose links are made up of negative memories. Any reluctance to forgive burdens us with hurt and resentment, victimizing us more than the person who has offended us. Once we untie these resentments, forgive the offender, and let the past go, we will live again. We will rise out of the graves of bitterness and anger we dig for ourselves, blessed with new life.
Admittedly, forgiveness does not come easy, nor does it mean the same as forgetting or excusing. Thomas Szasz, a renowned psychiatrist, offers this bit of counsel: “The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.” That doesn’t mean, however, one can resurrect past grievances either, for doing that sends the message. “I have yet to forgive you.” I think Martin Luther King, Jr. notes the distinction well when he said, “Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring what has been done or putting a false label on an evil act. It means rather, that the evil act no longer remains a barrier to the relationship. Forgiveness is a catalyst creating the atmosphere necessary for a fresh start and a new beginning.”