I celebrated my birthday last Thursday in a rather unusual way, sitting before the Blessed Sacrament hearing confessions. How profound the evening became as I extended absolution to those who came to seeking forgiveness by acknowledging their sins in the sacrament of reconciliation. I felt they were receiving a new lease on life when I said, “Go in peace, your sins are forgiven.”
Forgiveness is what people of the whole Judean countryside sought as they acknowledged their sins and were baptized in the Jordan River by John the Baptist.
Forgiveness hits a tender spot. We have all done some stupid and immoral things from sniveling lies to large betrayals and maybe even worse. None of us wants the burden of shame and guilt as we live. Instead, we want forgiveness. None of us wants justice when we die. We want mercy.
Forgiveness from God, however, depends on our willingness to forgive others. Buried deep in the Lord’s Prayer is that line which goes, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” The penance I gave most often that night was for the penitent to say that prayer thoughtfully before going to bed, then pray for those whom they needed to forgive and for those whose forgiveness they desired.
Knowing that God’s forgiveness depends on practicing the art of forgiveness ourselves, I thought that I would share with you the ten commandments of forgiveness. I do not expect you to remember all of them, but hopefully you will remember those that strike a chord with you.
The first commandment: forgiveness is not easy. We can’t just mumble, “I forgive you,” and presume that all is well. There is no quick fix, especially when the hurt is deep. Since forgiveness takes time, begin by asking God to start the process for you.
The second commandment: Forgiveness is not forgetting. The two words do not mean the same thing. Forgiveness is about a change of heart, not the erasing of a memory.
The third commandment: Forgiveness does not overlook evil nor does it mean denial. It doesn’t mean, “Let’s pretend it didn’t happen.” Someone who was hurt needs healing.
The fourth commandment: forgiveness isn’t indifference. We cannot go back to business as usual and let the hurt and damage go on. Instead, we should do what we can to make sure the evil won’t happen again.
The fifth commandment: forgiveness isn’t the same thing as approval. We can forgive yet still express our disapproval of the harmful behavior. Forgiveness doesn’t mean giving you permission to harm me again by your action.
The sixth commandment: forgiveness is recognizing that people are always bigger than their faults, their mistakes, and their wrong doing. In other words, we shouldn’t define who somebody is by something they said or did to us.
The seventh commandment: forgiveness is being willing to let go of the anger that prevents the rebuilding of a broken relationship by allowing the person who has offended us to start over again.
The eighth commandment: forgiveness recognizes the humanity of the person who has wronged us along with our shortcomings and our contribution to what went wrong.
The ninth commandment: forgiveness surrenders the right to get even. Forgiveness does not allow for revenge.
The tenth commandment: forgiveness means we wish the person or group who hurt us well. In fact, we wish them the best. That is tough, but basically we are letting God be the final judge and commend them to God’s mercy.
John the Baptist dared to be different and he dares us to also be different. He calls us to a change of heart, providing down to earth advice on how to change our lives for the better by filling in the valleys of prejudice, leveling our mountains of pride, and straightening our crooked paths of injustice. He is calling on us to prepare the way of the Lord and that means walking a new path. Celebrating the art of forgiveness when the need arises is one opportunity we must not pass up if we are to do our part in announcing the coming of Christ to others.