Jesus gives us little choice here. In no uncertain terms, he is telling us that forgiveness is one task we cannot ignore. If we want to experience forgiveness from God, we must practice the art of forgiveness ourselves. Every time we say the Lord’s Prayer, we make the promise to do so while seeking God’s forgiveness for what we have done or failed to do. Yet lets be honest; that is a promise we fail to keep sometimes. We withhold forgiveness because we want to hurt the person who has hurt us. We nurse a grudge and even though we know wrath and anger are hateful things, as Sirach tells us, we do hug them tightly at times.
Peter thought he was being generous when he offered to forgive his brother seven times. In the Jewish culture, three times was considered sufficient. But Jesus said, “I say to you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” I doubt Jesus expected Peter or anyone of us to keep a tally. Instead he is urging us to forgive others as the need arises, just as our heavenly Father willingly forgives us countlessly.
Teachings on forgiveness occur frequently in the New Testament but we are slow learners. We are to forgive even if the offending party hasn’t repented. And why is that advice so crucial? When we refuse to forgive, we harm ourselves. Think of what such emotions do to our health. I am mindful of that line from Pogo, “We has met the enemy and it is us.”
Refusing to forgive is a form of anger that we hug tightly. Although I am not a psychologist, I venture to say that refusing to let go of anger is usually an issue of pride.
Jesus admonishes us to forgive for good reason; it is the healthy thing to do, both spiritually and psychologically. One person we often have difficulty forgiving is ourselves. We continually beat ourselves up for not measuring up to our expectations. The problem there is also one of pride. If God loves us unconditionally, why do we make it difficult to love and forgive ourselves? Certainly, we should keep working to improve ourselves, to grow in holiness, and learn from our mistakes. That is healthy pride, but we also need to accept the notion that only God is perfect. Beating ourselves up with negative attitudes toward oneself will only hurt us.
None of us can go through life without getting hurt. How do we react when that happens? Responding to each instance of hurt can provide us with an opportunity to grow or they can become a stumbling block in relating not only to others but also to God. Sometimes we find ourselves unable to forgive.
Part of our inability to forgive might come from confusing forgiveness with its cousins. Forgiveness is not pardon. Nor is forgiveness condoning. We can forgive without approving the misconduct. Forgiveness is not forgetting; some wounds are simply unforgettable. Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. We may with great effort forgive the offender but remain unable to be in their presence. Forgiveness is not denial of the incident either. We must acknowledge the offense and not dismiss it. When we forgive, we must also give up our right to resentment and revenge.
Today’s brilliant parable rightly convicts us of our deep-seated tendency to self-righteousness, and we need to be convinced of that. But we should not overlook the parable’s eloquent depiction of Christ’s generosity. He is the king who forgives the huge debt. In the biblical Greek, this amount is quantified as 10,000 talents, an astronomical sum of money, more than all of us together possess.
Through our friendship with Jesus, God is always with us. As Paul tells us in our second reading, “Whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s.” This parable tells me that with Jesus, there is no end to the number of second chances we have to be forgiven. The clearest proof of this is the unmistakable gift of the sacrament of reconciliation; something that no other religion in history has ever offered its believers. Through the words spoken by a confessor, we hear words of absolution and forgiveness.
Fortunately for us, our God is a merciful one, willing to cancel our debt of sinfulness but his son reminds us of our obligation to practice the art of forgiveness ourselves if we wish to experience his divine mercy.
The closing words of the gospel are a haunting reminder that we could face the same fate as the servant who was handed over to be tortured if we do not forgive from the heart. As long as we cling to anger in our hearts and look for revenge—against individuals, groups or nations—we choose the torture, which our own hearts inflict on us. We can cling to that torture or we can work for peace.
The focus of our forgiveness should not just be on the person we are forgiving, or the action we are forgiving. The focus of our forgiveness should be on getting back on track with our own lives. We need to move on from our hurts, or we will always be bogged down by our anger.
Five hundred years before Christ, the great Chinese philosopher, Confucius wisely said, “To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.”